Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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