i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
