How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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