i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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