Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
