Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
