he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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