some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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