guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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