Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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