eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
