So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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