i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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