Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
