I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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