I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
whose ass print is on the piano?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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