like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
