booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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