Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
