peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
