we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
