i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
