I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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