the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
