im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
