I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
