Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
