it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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