I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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