Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm too high and old for this...
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