so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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