she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
