Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
