I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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