Screwed.edu
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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