I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
