everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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