the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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