Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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