I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
