i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.