He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
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she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself