I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon