i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..