They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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