Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
