bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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