she was so not down for the gang bang
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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