You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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