yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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