here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
