drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
