I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Couch. On fire.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
