So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
