her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My dick has a subreddit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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