remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
