oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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