I hate your face
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
