I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
