there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
