cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
