is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
please come you make the beer taste better
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
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we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
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I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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