I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
where are you?
Hypothermia
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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