You work out of a Hotel?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie