If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
