Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.

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  (734): The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister. http://tfl.nu/1i96
  Replies (18) Good night (6859) Bad night (1089)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??

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  (203): is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore?? http://tfl.nu/voom
  Replies (42) Good night (1066) Bad night (10185)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?

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  (908): just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign? http://tfl.nu/nghc
  Replies (20) Good night (5097) Bad night (864)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.

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  (931): He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance. http://tfl.nu/zsaz
  Replies (2) Good night (1969) Bad night (927)
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.

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  (283): she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love. http://tfl.nu/fwj8
  Replies (8) Good night (4331) Bad night (731)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end

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  (912): just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end http://tfl.nu/x0of
  Replies (12) Good night (3215) Bad night (1083)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.

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  (630): Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus. http://tfl.nu/ls1i
  Replies (4) Good night (1857) Bad night (1041)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this

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  (416): Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this http://tfl.nu/tjbd
  Replies (11) Good night (1931) Bad night (850)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.

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  (519): He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba. http://tfl.nu/mbtr
  Replies (7) Good night (2784) Bad night (688)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.

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  (256): We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money. http://tfl.nu/cfn1
  Replies (7) Good night (2019) Bad night (778)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams

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  (717): You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams http://tfl.nu/9pxu
  Replies (4) Good night (2290) Bad night (530)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?

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  (615): Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich? http://tfl.nu/f2jm
  Replies (12) Good night (2346) Bad night (1792)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.

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  (301): If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful. http://tfl.nu/gi9x
  Replies (14) Good night (852) Bad night (292)
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  (760): View more from California

  Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver

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  (760): Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver http://tfl.nu/ovu0
  Replies (2) Good night (611) Bad night (643)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.

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  (270): Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer. http://tfl.nu/rbji
  Replies (0) Good night (800) Bad night (238)

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