Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"

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  (610): I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER. (610): When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!" http://tfl.nu/bnpd
  Replies (40) Good night (6274) Bad night (1319)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game

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  (302): I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game http://tfl.nu/wh7c
  Replies (10) Good night (4623) Bad night (985)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  She's never allowed to turn 21 again

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  (702): She's never allowed to turn 21 again http://tfl.nu/eyqp
  Replies (9) Good night (4760) Bad night (1024)
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  (516): View more from New York

  the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.

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  (516): the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother. http://tfl.nu/cizt
  Replies (24) Good night (1448) Bad night (7353)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy

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  (937): She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy http://tfl.nu/3zlc
  Replies (9) Good night (1255) Bad night (3099)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.

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  (417): Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome. http://tfl.nu/ko4x
  Replies (3) Good night (2254) Bad night (806)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?

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  (931): Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me? http://tfl.nu/cqgr
  Replies (6) Good night (746) Bad night (2248)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.

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  (612): I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed. http://tfl.nu/r67y
  Replies (17) Good night (678) Bad night (1472)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?

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  (780): Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job? http://tfl.nu/b4va
  Replies (7) Good night (758) Bad night (1536)
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  (818): View more from California

  The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.

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  (818): The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me. http://tfl.nu/w1nr
  Replies (18) Good night (6154) Bad night (705)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.

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  (720): Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong. http://tfl.nu/slbv
  Replies (12) Good night (1155) Bad night (748)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.

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  (904): Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard. http://tfl.nu/afya
  Replies (4) Good night (464) Bad night (584)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?

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  (239): It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class? http://tfl.nu/6z5l
  Replies (17) Good night (412) Bad night (818)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.

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  (847): I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas. http://tfl.nu/dr57
  Replies (3) Good night (997) Bad night (225)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket

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  (631): I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket http://tfl.nu/e57z
  Replies (1) Good night (270) Bad night (162)

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