I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
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You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
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After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳