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so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Randomize
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