no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at