My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All the doctor said was why
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
