I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize