She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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