when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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