But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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