I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
