No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
