i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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