I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He better not be in your backpack
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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