he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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