i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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