For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
