You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
