Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
