Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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