my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
