i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
