just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
