Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
