sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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