It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
